Cu Chulainn
| Cú Chulainn |
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The legendary hero of Ireland, and complete bad ass, Cú Chulainn. This hulk-like warrior premiered in episode 18, Cu Chulainn a.k.a. God Girth.
Description
Cú Chulainn is an Irish mythological hero, believed to be the reincarnation of his own father, and god of many things such as skill, crafts, arts, oaths, oats, truth, law, rightful kingship, and Pâté, Lugh. A prophesy was told of Cú Chulainn that his great deeds would give him everlasting fame, but his life would be short. This prophecy ends up being true, but he sure gets a lot of things done in that short amount of time.
Cú Chulainn's mother, Deichtine, went around with some of the kingdom of Ulster's finist knights. They ended up staying at a house one night where some lady and a horse were both giving birth at the same time. She helped in the births which resulted in a baby boy and two baby colts (the latter coming from the horse of course). The next morning, Deichtine and her knights awoke to find their hosts having disappeared, leaving behind the baby boy and the colts. The soldiers take the colts home with them, and Deichtine watches over the babe as if it was her own. Not very well though, because the boy grows ill and dies. Soon after this, god of Pâté, Lugh, appears to her saying that he was their host from the other night and that since his son, who was named Sétanta, died, he would impregnate Deichtine who was to name the new child Sétanta. After doing the deed, Lugh leaves and impregnated Deichtine behind and goes about doing Pâté things most likely. Deichtine begins panicking since she was betrothed to another, the pregnancy was sure to be a scandal. In her panic, she quickly Alt+F4s the baby right out of her. Being baby free, she returns to her betrothed, eventually gets married, and becomes pregnant with his son. Living up to his promise to Lugh, she names the child Sétanta, because that name obvious does well to babies.
Who is Sétanta? Well just like most celebrities, Cú Chulainn is just a stage name, and his birth name was actually Sétanta. That's right, this Sétanta kid is the irish hero, Cú Chulainn. He chose to change his name due to his dickhead friends always calling him Santa. This, of course, is not the worst of what they did. In fact, these friends had formed a child gang in the city Sétanta's family moved to, and before Sétanta knew them, they would terrorize the park. It was an unwritten rule that in order to play in the park, you would have to ask the child gang for protection or else they saw it as a challenge. Not knowing this, Sétanta went out to play in the park, and the gang took this as a chance for some well deserved initiation to the new kid. They go out there to beat him up, but then Sétanta just hulks out. Literally. He has an rare condition called riastrad, or "warp spasm," in which he can turn into a giant raging freak that can't tell friend from foe. He becomes the hulk. As hulk, he beats the living hell out of these kids, then makes them ask him for protection.
Now that the child gang and Sétanta are friends, they played a lot of sports together and founded the sports channel, Sétanta Sports. While playing a game of hurling, a man name Conchobar notices how insanely good this small child is at sports and decides the best course of action is to invite the minor over to his friend's house for a feast. Sétanta accepts the invitation, but says he's going to finish kicking ass at hurling first. Conchobar gives him the address of the local smithy's house, Culann, and leaves. When Sétanta wins his game, he heads on over to the Culann's house. Conchobar, seeming dealing with terrible short term memory loss, completely forgets that he invited this child over, and never tells Culann. So when Culann spots an odd child approaching, he releases his guard hound to attack and kill the boy. It is said at this point that Culann kills the hound by driving a sliotar, a hurling ball, down its throat with his hurley, a big hockey-like stick used for hurling. Feeling bad, Sétanta promises to get a replacement for him, and in the meantime defend the place himself. Thus getting the moniker Cú Chulainn, "Culann's Hound."
Abilities
Tale
Statistics
Basic human in solid physical and mental form represents about a 3 in the numbered stats.
| Strength (1-10) | 7 |
|---|---|
| Speed (1-10) | 7 |
| Intelligence (1-10) | 3 |
| Durability (1-10) | 6 |
| Vulnerabilities | Sex, Typical Human Weaknesses |
| Special | Warp Spasm, Gae Bulg |
Fight Club Results
| Battle | Result | Episode |
|---|---|---|
| vs. Medusa and Harpy | Win | 18 |
